Question by Kimberlina: Any opinions or suggestions about the book I’m writing?

When it rains, and I mean pours with a fierceness, therein lies the beauty of the world. The heat disdains. And sunshine and all the acclaimed beauty of the world, like the birds and the flowers, they all seem to conceal something. Some inner truth.
I was in the park as it rained that afternoon, swinging as usual. I’d always loved swinging. It mimicked the sensation of flying, kicking off the ground, and defying the binds of gravity momentarily. The wind caressed my soul, and I could feel the chill of the rain in my bones. The rain always lent me that feeling of being more than human.
That afternoon, I retrieved the news of my sister’s death.
The police had informed my parents that Ebony had been found and murdered under the park bridge, but I kept thinking otherwise. Something tugging me at the back of my mind, buried deep and too fuzzy to remember told me otherwise.
My mother worried for me. After Ebony’s death, she had looked over me more than ever like a worried hen. I had changed since the day before Ebony went missing- the day before we had been told it was a work of a murderer. I had dyed my straight blonde hair black and my smokey gray eyes looked like stormy seas. Ebony remained in my mind, and some days I sat still, stirred and a total hurricane in the inside; quiet and flesh and blood out. That was when my mother pulled the cord. I had learned in advance that I would be leaving, while eavesdropping on my parent’s conversation.
“Kent, Mari cannot keep living like this!” My mother exclaimed one night. I wasn’t supposed to be up this late, but I didn’t care. If the conversation was going to be about me, I wanted to see why.
“Mari is fine. It’s you I’m worried about,” My father burst.
“Oh, you know what I mean! Don’t play dumb with me! It’s not healthy for Marielle to be this way,” Mom spat back. “It’s not fair for her! Especially in her condition!”
I swallowed. What in the world were they talking about?

Okay so that’s all I have. Tell me what you think!! I want constructive criticism and some suggestions! Thanks!!!
Btw, the story is about a girl who tries to find her sister’s murderer while away and then finds out she murdered her by anger and frustration with her parents, and while she was doing it she was also drugged because she is mental and takes medication.

Answer by lambtexiilover
i think this is great so far, but i was confused about the age of marielle, i think you should write in a way so that the reader can sense the age of marielle and ebony. or you can tell the reader when she died and how old marielle was at the time. i think that would leave the reader less confused.(this is my opinion, dont take it offencively )

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